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my new (long) summer to do list

visit mom in new york
go to israel
volunteer at south carolina legal assistance giving legal aid to the underprivledged
visit law schools
go to las vegas
take the lsat
jury duty july 13th
visit nate in atlanta during his internship
hopefully get to the outer banks to see leah
join a gym
try to fit work in with all this
driving school :(

Sep. 28th, 2008

im still drunk from last night, i want to die

im going to hell

if im not already there
what the hell am i doing staying up this late when i have to give a presentation and letting leon tell me lies. my boyfriend is in taiwan buying me presents and im sitting here to be persuaded to marry someone my roommate liked! i must be out of my mind for all of this, i got caught up in the jewish moment, the jewish pick up line, we'd have jewish kids, something ive waited 2 and a half years to hear john say that someone spits out in one night. how could i have let that get in my head, probably because all the girls at shabbat thought i wasnt jewish because i cant sing hebrew. i guess im not american either because i probably cant sing any song. so when an israeli says he'll teach me hebrew, his native language how can i say no. how do you say i dont want jewish kids too? how can i say dont take me with you to the orthodox service so i know what rosh hashanahs supposed to be, not what americans say. the new years about to come and i need to change something about myself. now im unsure of what i need to change but i go to sleep feeling guilty. jewish guilt. i need yom kippur to come and ill fast for two days instead of one and maybe then ill feel better.


the cocks dominated tonight, they were good
but not nearly as good as the cheese grits i just made

july, one month left

school feels like it was a dream a year ago and i dont feel like im going back in 4 weeks. im so relieved though, not like staying with john hasnt been nice but im so sick of being in a place i dont feel is mine. the kitchen is foreign and filled with his junk and no matter what i clean here john just comes in and trashes stuff then leaves a huge mess and i cant say anything because its his house, its driving me crazy. and the thought ill be living with people again that arent policing me is great. i cant wait to just have drinks with my friends in my apartment and cook with my stuff in my own kitchen. rock hill has started feeling more like home since getting a job and making friends and connections that have nothing to do with john but rock hill is not as exciting as columbia. ahhhh i want to go back!!! the summer has been nice though, south carolina 4th of july is the best because of the great amateur firework shows that everyoneee puts on and myrtle beach week was relaxing. rock hill south carolina just doesnt feel like my part of south carolina. i want to be by the ocean, at the gym, with people my age,at a job i dont hate, drinking, having shit to do. i also hope i dont get kicked out of catherines party in charlotte tonight because im still not 21 :((((( im also incredibly sick of being kicked out of everywhere this summer because im 6 months too young which i dont understand because im two minutes from winthrop u so i think the bars wouldnt care. im going to go make a stirfry with johns shit, blecchhhh

Jun. 30th, 2008

im overwhelmed at the thought of cleaning with john to get his house ready for his mom to stay here this week. im not working most of this week which kind of sucks but its still looming over me. im excited for home cooking but since she'll be here 4th of july i guess this year we cant set off fireworks at the farm which is by far my favorite part of 4th of july. we'll either have to go to a show or set them off thursday before she gets here. i love buy one get one free fireworks. speaking of the farm im dying to go to the pool and feed the horses but i have a feeling we wont be going until much later today since john looked dead this morning.the other two things weighing on my mind are getting money for fripp island in a couple weeks and miami for my 21!!! fripp island looks so beautiful according to caitlins pictures and shouldnt be expensive since its in our backyard but i need to start saving for the week in miami. luckily john has a watch show in miami 4 days before my birthday and i want to stay until the 10th to celebrate it on the beach/in a club next to the beach.
other things i cannot wait for: football game, my exciting classes, camping

flying home tomorrow

what will i do for two weeks?
get kitchen stuff for my apartment
two doctor visits
see harlin and marcia
go to the city with my mom
see friends
bake a cake, make bread with new kitchen stuff
think of things to do when johns in germany, missouri for work and im all alone
drink lots of champagne, yay 4.0!
maybe see lyn and norman and my cousins in long island
maybe catch a train to boston if i have extra money

the rest of my summer? go dancing in charlotte hopefully with eve, beach, see laurie and dan in north carolina, work, hopefully go to florida, go to the pool, atlanta, start baking once my kitchen stuff gets here.
im not ready to go to new york, i hear its cold. and i miss columbia so much. theres not enough hours today for me to shower, clean, pack, walk for jobs, catch up on reading, cook dinner, go to the farm and get some sun. i need more time before 530 tomorrow when i fly from charlotte. booo. the day needs more hours.
im really sad i only have twoooo more weeks left of school before we all move out. before i go i want to go out again our last weekend for more dancing and hit the congaree swamp during the day. also a lot more pool time. but the good part about summer is my new summer plan that i want to accomplish, which includes going to: charleston, foley beach, myrtle beach, maybe ocean isle and hopefully georgia beaches. oh, and maybe a woman only trip to atlanta. eeeeh!!! so excited!

8 months later........

1. How do you feel about the last person you kissed?
hes asleep and doesnt want to hear about how much fun i had tonight. i love him though

2. What's bothering you right now?
everyones fucvkiign asleep in this dorm

3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
of course
4. What is in your wallet?
hopefully some cash, credit card, sc license, key

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
an octopus

6. Background on your cell phone?
bill clinton when he was on my campus
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
a weekish

8. Where your default picture was taken?
for myspace, johns hisouse, facebook was leahs basement, lj i dont have one

9. Eyes

10. Life:
this isnt a question

11. House:
which one
12. Doing this weekend?
going out again? gym? pool? mad studying and work
13. Wearing?
black dress

14. Who was the last person to send you a text message?

15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
i dont want anything, id like to know school was paid for next year

16. Listening to?
soparnos, toros snoring
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Patty?

18. What do you smell like?
smoke, tabu, sweat, chanel

19. Eating?

20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing?
my comforter and easter bunnny

21. Do you believe in a soulmate?
22. What do you wear to bed?
lately i sleep in boxers and a bathing suit top
23. Do you remember your dreams?

24. Do you burn easily in the sun?
no, i just have to timemyself

25. Have you ever been gambling?
i dont spend my money

26. What's something you wish you could understand better?
my emotions

27. What did you do last weekend?
took a scary ass bus ride, did something that was gross, laid at johns all weekend, ate the worlds best milkshake

28. Who do you miss?
no one!!!!!!!!!!

29. Who is the last girl you hugged?
maybe whitney?!

30. Orange or apple juice?

31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
eve and whitney

32. What was the last text message?
max told me he was at tabu

33. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?

34. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
um, i ate a regular school tomatoe yesterday

36. What was the last thing you drank?
something on fire that tasted like cinnamon an hour ago, what the fuck was that?!?!

38. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
some girl in vermont i didnt even know

39. Do you like someone right now?
no, i just smeelll skanky
40. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
41. What is the last movie you watched? With whom?
i watched the break up with toro

42. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water, tea, vodka

43. What are you excited about?
everything, going to the pool

44. Do you want someone you can't have?

45. Who was last to slap your butt?
maybe eve when we danced, someone i dannced with

46. Where was the last place you went?

47. What's on your mind right now?
how terrific life is, how im not tired at all

48. Have you cried recently?
i cant remember but i always cry
49. If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object, then what happens?
im drunk

50. Is taking a shower a daily habit?
of course

so im still wide awake, and im writing shit no one will read, but i want to say im finally happy. and no, not just tonight ive been drinking happy. but since i got here, this is the place for me, my life is in order, i love who im with, i understand my classes and direction, i have a plan for life type schpiel. i think its funny i just reread how i felt first being here, how uncomfortable i was, it was so different. but i could never leave. i could stay in south carolina for life and pressure my children to come to usc for college.


ims super drunk and im the happiest ive been in yearssssssss. tonight was fucking hysterical going to tabu where apparently no one cards in sc. half my dorm was there and the other half was crazy men buying me drinks. i couldve danced forever tongiht, i did for four hours which is by far the best workout ive had in ages but i did have more than 10 shots so im sure that wasnt so good for me. my rooomates passed out watching sopranos and we have a dog living in our room, its suoppposed to be a secret because its obviously not allowed but her pet chihuaha has been chilling here. i wish someone was awake who wasnt still at tabu so i could do somethingggggggg. il be home for two weeks in may, not too amazing but i really dont care to be away from sc that long. my friends live here and i want to be close. i also feel like this is my home. i hope everyone is as happy as i am.