visit mom in new york
go to israel
volunteer at south carolina legal assistance giving legal aid to the underprivledged
visit law schools
go to las vegas
take the lsat
jury duty july 13th
visit nate in atlanta during his internship
hopefully get to the outer banks to see leah
join a gym
try to fit work in with all this
driving school :(

im still drunk from last night, i want to die

if im not already there
what the hell am i doing staying up this late when i have to give a presentation and letting leon tell me lies. my boyfriend is in taiwan buying me presents and im sitting here to be persuaded to marry someone my roommate liked! i must be out of my mind for all of this, i got caught up in the jewish moment, the jewish pick up line, we'd have jewish kids, something ive waited 2 and a half years to hear john say that someone spits out in one night. how could i have let that get in my head, probably because all the girls at shabbat thought i wasnt jewish because i cant sing hebrew. i guess im not american either because i probably cant sing any song. so when an israeli says he'll teach me hebrew, his native language how can i say no. how do you say i dont want jewish kids too? how can i say dont take me with you to the orthodox service so i know what rosh hashanahs supposed to be, not what americans say. the new years about to come and i need to change something about myself. now im unsure of what i need to change but i go to sleep feeling guilty. jewish guilt. i need yom kippur to come and ill fast for two days instead of one and maybe then ill feel better.

the cocks dominated tonight, they were good
but not nearly as good as the cheese grits i just made

school feels like it was a dream a year ago and i dont feel like im going back in 4 weeks. im so relieved though, not like staying with john hasnt been nice but im so sick of being in a place i dont feel is mine. the kitchen is foreign and filled with his junk and no matter what i clean here john just comes in and trashes stuff then leaves a huge mess and i cant say anything because its his house, its driving me crazy. and the thought ill be living with people again that arent policing me is great. i cant wait to just have drinks with my friends in my apartment and cook with my stuff in my own kitchen. rock hill has started feeling more like home since getting a job and making friends and connections that have nothing to do with john but rock hill is not as exciting as columbia. ahhhh i want to go back!!! the summer has been nice though, south carolina 4th of july is the best because of the great amateur firework shows that everyoneee puts on and myrtle beach week was relaxing. rock hill south carolina just doesnt feel like my part of south carolina. i want to be by the ocean, at the gym, with people my age,at a job i dont hate, drinking, having shit to do. i also hope i dont get kicked out of catherines party in charlotte tonight because im still not 21 :((((( im also incredibly sick of being kicked out of everywhere this summer because im 6 months too young which i dont understand because im two minutes from winthrop u so i think the bars wouldnt care. im going to go make a stirfry with johns shit, blecchhhh

im overwhelmed at the thought of cleaning with john to get his house ready for his mom to stay here this week. im not working most of this week which kind of sucks but its still looming over me. im excited for home cooking but since she'll be here 4th of july i guess this year we cant set off fireworks at the farm which is by far my favorite part of 4th of july. we'll either have to go to a show or set them off thursday before she gets here. i love buy one get one free fireworks. speaking of the farm im dying to go to the pool and feed the horses but i have a feeling we wont be going until much later today since john looked dead this morning.the other two things weighing on my mind are getting money for fripp island in a couple weeks and miami for my 21!!! fripp island looks so beautiful according to caitlins pictures and shouldnt be expensive since its in our backyard but i need to start saving for the week in miami. luckily john has a watch show in miami 4 days before my birthday and i want to stay until the 10th to celebrate it on the beach/in a club next to the beach.
other things i cannot wait for: football game, my exciting classes, camping

what will i do for two weeks?
get kitchen stuff for my apartment
two doctor visits
see harlin and marcia
go to the city with my mom
see friends
bake a cake, make bread with new kitchen stuff
think of things to do when johns in germany, missouri for work and im all alone
drink lots of champagne, yay 4.0!
maybe see lyn and norman and my cousins in long island
maybe catch a train to boston if i have extra money

the rest of my summer? go dancing in charlotte hopefully with eve, beach, see laurie and dan in north carolina, work, hopefully go to florida, go to the pool, atlanta, start baking once my kitchen stuff gets here.
im not ready to go to new york, i hear its cold. and i miss columbia so much. theres not enough hours today for me to shower, clean, pack, walk for jobs, catch up on reading, cook dinner, go to the farm and get some sun. i need more time before 530 tomorrow when i fly from charlotte. booo. the day needs more hours.

im really sad i only have twoooo more weeks left of school before we all move out. before i go i want to go out again our last weekend for more dancing and hit the congaree swamp during the day. also a lot more pool time. but the good part about summer is my new summer plan that i want to accomplish, which includes going to: charleston, foley beach, myrtle beach, maybe ocean isle and hopefully georgia beaches. oh, and maybe a woman only trip to atlanta. eeeeh!!! so excited!

1. How do you feel about the last person you kissed?
hes asleep and doesnt want to hear about how much fun i had tonight. i love him though

2. What's bothering you right now?
everyones fucvkiign asleep in this dorm

3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
of course
4. What is in your wallet?
hopefully some cash, credit card, sc license, key

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
an octopus

6. Background on your cell phone?
bill clinton when he was on my campus
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
a weekish

8. Where your default picture was taken?
for myspace, johns hisouse, facebook was leahs basement, lj i dont have one

9. Eyes
green

10. Life:
this isnt a question

11. House:
which one
12. Doing this weekend?
going out again? gym? pool? mad studying and work
13. Wearing?
black dress

14. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
max

15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
i dont want anything, id like to know school was paid for next year

16. Listening to?
soparnos, toros snoring
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Patty?
no

18. What do you smell like?
smoke, tabu, sweat, chanel

19. Eating?
nothing

20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing?
my comforter and easter bunnny

21. Do you believe in a soulmate?
nah
22. What do you wear to bed?
lately i sleep in boxers and a bathing suit top
23. Do you remember your dreams?
no

24. Do you burn easily in the sun?
no, i just have to timemyself

25. Have you ever been gambling?
i dont spend my money

26. What's something you wish you could understand better?
my emotions

27. What did you do last weekend?
took a scary ass bus ride, did something that was gross, laid at johns all weekend, ate the worlds best milkshake

28. Who do you miss?
no one!!!!!!!!!!

29. Who is the last girl you hugged?
maybe whitney?!

30. Orange or apple juice?
OJ

31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
eve and whitney

32. What was the last text message?
max told me he was at tabu

33. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?
yes

34. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
um, i ate a regular school tomatoe yesterday

36. What was the last thing you drank?
something on fire that tasted like cinnamon an hour ago, what the fuck was that?!?!

38. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
some girl in vermont i didnt even know

39. Do you like someone right now?
no, i just smeelll skanky
40. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
jeans
41. What is the last movie you watched? With whom?
i watched the break up with toro

42. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water, tea, vodka

43. What are you excited about?
everything, going to the pool

44. Do you want someone you can't have?
no

45. Who was last to slap your butt?
maybe eve when we danced, someone i dannced with

46. Where was the last place you went?
tabu

47. What's on your mind right now?
how terrific life is, how im not tired at all

48. Have you cried recently?
i cant remember but i always cry
49. If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object, then what happens?
im drunk

50. Is taking a shower a daily habit?
of course

so im still wide awake, and im writing shit no one will read, but i want to say im finally happy. and no, not just tonight ive been drinking happy. but since i got here, this is the place for me, my life is in order, i love who im with, i understand my classes and direction, i have a plan for life type schpiel. i think its funny i just reread how i felt first being here, how uncomfortable i was, it was so different. but i could never leave. i could stay in south carolina for life and pressure my children to come to usc for college.

ims super drunk and im the happiest ive been in yearssssssss. tonight was fucking hysterical going to tabu where apparently no one cards in sc. half my dorm was there and the other half was crazy men buying me drinks. i couldve danced forever tongiht, i did for four hours which is by far the best workout ive had in ages but i did have more than 10 shots so im sure that wasnt so good for me. my rooomates passed out watching sopranos and we have a dog living in our room, its suoppposed to be a secret because its obviously not allowed but her pet chihuaha has been chilling here. i wish someone was awake who wasnt still at tabu so i could do somethingggggggg. il be home for two weeks in may, not too amazing but i really dont care to be away from sc that long. my friends live here and i want to be close. i also feel like this is my home. i hope everyone is as happy as i am.

was beautiful, 85 degrees and sunny. im super tan. two hours at the pool, apparently friday is a pool party where everyone should bring cocktails to the pool. ill have to remember that. my butt is still super white though. i still need to shower, get sushi, and go out. and study for my five tests next week. mmmm thats it. oh and passover next weekend where im going to successfully cook my second russian themed dinner for johns family.

if i could have annnny wish id definitely be able to afford to go to summer classes here :( i hate when people count down to the end of the semester, i just dont want it to end. atleast next year im living in the same apartment building as all of my friends. but i still wish i could take classes all through the summer.

i successfully merged john into my friends at school which i never thought would happen. hes so hard to get close to but luckily the minute nate got on my phone and invited john to a gun show he was in. i think i scared my mom today when i tried to reassure id be safe despite the recent armed robberies in johns neighborhood when i told her now that im accurate shooting a gun if john doesnt wake up when someone breaks in im confident enough to shoot them myself. it also disappointed her that i have no trip home to new york planned in the future and all my potential law schools are in the south. i definitely dont want to fly to new york for spring break to chill in the cold. i dont know what to do, but i dont want to leave south carolina any time soon.

i met bill clinton last night at 1230 outside our campus starbucks, shook his hand twice, got pictures, tried not to black out since i ha just been dropped off from a bar i was at for a few hours. luckily i rememeber it all today and have the pictures, and drunk dialed almost everyone i knew to brag i met bill. now that im a sc resident im going out to our primary tomorrow, whoooooooooooo!

1.) i saw hillary clinton yesterday at the state house two blocks from me. when i saw obama come on cnn live from our state house i got my suitemate to literally run to the capitol with me to see hillary give her speech at the mlk rally.

2.) states rights, i love south carolina is rejecting the national id card. i might not be able to fly within the united states without one, but i trust sc to work that one out.

3.)hoppin john, fried okra, GRITS, waffle house, bojizzy, cheerwines pretty sweet too

4.) flowers in the ground are still blooming

i just had to say it
today was ................... 85 degrees
it was hotter today for the start of my winter finals than it was last semester in vermont for my spring finals
its so beautiful, i couldnt hate on my finals because it was just too nice out
maybe i can convince myself to study if i sit outside tomorrow and look at the leaves that changed colors when it gets cool at night

im alone but not technically single in south carolina. ive never been more confused about anything and i feel like i say that atleast once a year. i want to come home, get a car, be closer to my friends and family, eat somewhere that doesnt "country fry" all of there food all while saying close to 20,000 a year. it sounds like a dream, no one would ask me about my accent, i wouldnt have to explain being jewish and my indifference towards college football and tailgating. maybe i could even be in a relationship where im not reminded daily of my shortcomings. it sounds so easy to chose but i feel torn. ive never been in a place easier to make friends, everyones so friendly even if they are really weird. its absolutely beautiful here and the campus is really great. it can be so fun most of the time which makes this so hard. its not the place, its obviously me. everywhere i go i just keep running into myself and the same problems i had in the last state. im doing so well in school but it doesnt feel ike enough. i need to get out, i just dont know what i need to leave behind. im impossible to please, unhappy with wherever i currently reside and not half as friendly as a southerner. so im here for now, but can i possibly stay at the same school two years in a row or can i learn to love new paltz..

1. How do you feel about the last person you kissed?
hes mad far

2. What's bothering you right now?
im tired, and i dont want to get up for a drink

3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
in 12 days

4. What is in your wallet?
money, cards, a key

5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
a guy with dreads

6. Background on your cell phone?
usc
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
12 days

8. Where your default picture was taken?
johns uncles horse farm

9. Eyes
green

10. Life:
this isnt a question

11. House:
im home alone
12. Doing this weekend?
camping

13. Wearing?
black dress and a bathing suit

14. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
my boyfriend

15. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
my boyfriend delivering a glass of water to me

16. Listening to?
shark week

17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Patty?
no

18. What do you smell like?
creek water maybe booze too

19. Eating?
nothing

20. On your bed, what is your favorite thing?
my comforter from school

21. Do you believe in a soulmate?
not really

22. What do you wear to bed?
nuffin

23. Do you remember your dreams?
mmhm

24. Do you burn easily in the sun?
when im milky from a winter spent in vermont.ny

25. Have you ever been gambling?
yes

26. What's something you wish you could understand better?
how to be motivated

27. What did you do last weekend?
drank a little

28. Who do you miss?
john

29. Who is the last girl you hugged?
my mom

30. Orange or apple juice?
OJ

31. Who was the last person you went somewhere with?
leah and i went to woodstock

32. What was the last text message?
...

33. Have you kissed anyone on your top friends?
yes

34. Last time you ate a home grown tomato?
yesterday

36. What was the last thing you drank?
lychee wine

38. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
some girl in vermont i didnt even know

39. Do you like someone right now?
yes

40. What do you wear more, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants?
slacks maybe

41. What is the last movie you watched? With whom?
syriana all alone

42. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water, Orange juice, thats kind of it...

43. What are you excited about?
moving to south carolina

44. Do you want someone you can't have?
yeah my boyfriend is a 12 hour drive away

45. Who was last to slap your butt?
john

46. Where was the last place you went?
out to indian

47. What's on your mind right now?
that glass of water i want

48. Have you cried recently?
probably

49. If an unstoppable force comes across an unmovable object, then what happens?
the thing smashes through the nonmoving thing? i didnt take philosophy 101

50. Is taking a shower a daily habit?
of course

i dont know why i cant stop waking up at 8.
im moving in a few weeks...
then going to school with lil romeo

im annoyed to no end by so many things. im annoyed by everyones huge egos. start acting like people again. im annoyed by all these people who think theyre doing great things with their lives when theyre really doing nothing at all. im annoyed by bragging about how drunk you were. congrats, you can drink, we all can and we all do stupid things when were drunk. im really uninterested in hearing in school and out of school about inebriated exploits, go do something else because your life is retarded. personally, i feel celebratory drinking is great, but being a moron drinking and how drunk you got becomes the highlight of your week of doing absolutely nothing is pitiful. i dont think your alternative lifestyle of doing absolutely nothing is cool. have you ever heard of goals? how old are you and when do you think youll plan on maturing enough to develop another goal besides "being cool." assholes.

i love being home, thank god im not in school this week!